Estranged
by redheadturkey
Summary: Summary: Rude dies during a misison, and his partner is left alone to pick up the shattered pieces of his life. Will he be strong enough, or will he fall into sorrow's darkness and follow his partner to the grave?


Estranged

by Diane Kelley

Summary: Rude dies during a misison, and his partner is left alone to pick up the shattered pieces of his life. Will he be strong enough, or will he fall into sorrow's darkness and follow his partner to the grave?

_When you're talkin' to yourself_

_and nobody's home_

Reno came back into the door after the funeral. . .his eyes were red, his hair disheveled, one could tell he'd been crying, probably most of the day. Fate had found the one thing that had the ability to break the normally indomitable Turk.

"God damn you, Rude!" He suddenly shouted out, overturning his nightstand with the photos of he and his partner on it. It wasn't enough to assuage his fury, not near enough. He began overturning everything in the apartment he and his partner had shared. "Why'd you have to go and take that bullet for me? You were the best of us! You always were!" He tore the photo of he and the big bald man off the wall, tinkling sounding as the glass shattered, sending jagged shards all over the floor. In a flurry of despair and rage he became a swift wave of destruction that tore through everything in his path, photograph here, award there. . .until there were bits of paper and shards of wood or glass in every corner of the tiny apartment.

_You can fool yourself _

_you came in this world alone_

_(alone)_

_So nobody ever told you, baby_

_how it was gonna be?_

_What'll happen to you baby?_

_Guess we'll have to wait and see._

The redhead finally fell against the wall in exhaustion, breathing in heavy, gasping pants. "What do I do now, dammit? I loved you. . .you were my life. I don't know if I can live without you. .."

_Old at heart, but I'm only 28_

_Much too young to let love break my heart_

_Young at heart but it's getting much to late_

_To find ourselves so far apart_

Reno grabbed his knees for a moment, rocking back and forth with the whiskey bottle he'd grabbed from the liquor cabinet on his way in clutched tightly in his left hand. He opened the bottle, taking a deep swig, reveling in the burning as it slid into his stomache. He had a vauge wish that he could drink enough to simply NOT wake up the next morning, but with the Mako shower that Turks received just prior to being inducted he knew it would burn itself off too quickly to stop his breathing and heart, as much as he might wish it to at this moment.

_I don't know how you're 'sposed to find me lately_

_And what more could you ask from me?_

_How could you say that I never needed you?_

_When you took everything_

_Say you took everything from me!_

Suddenly he threw the bottle into the wall, watching idly as the amber liquid dripped down the white wall until his eyes were blindied by their own dripping fluid again. "Damn you...you took away everything worthwhile to me by dying. How the FUCK could you DO that to me?"

_Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait  
When no one I know can seem to help me now  
Old at heart but I musn't hesitate  
If I'm to find my own way out_

It tore at him, the memory of that day. . .his mind delves into them.

/Flashback/

It was supposed to be a simple mission, so simple. . .go to Gongaga, get the hard drive from the control center of the wrecked reactor, and bring it back to HQ.Unfortunatly, where Reno and Rude were concerned nothing ever turned out to be simple. There had been someone else wanting to get their hands on that hard drive as well.

A shot rang out and it was accompanied by a shout from Rude. ''Ren, move! Now!'' When the redhead didn't move fast enough he leaped.

For Reno time seemed to compress. . .he felt the weight of the body that landed on him, heard the impact of the bullet, felt the shockwaves as it tore through that muscular back and buried itself into that big, warm heart. ..heard the hitch and then the gurgling exhalation and then felt how the fleshy shell above him grew waxy and cold before Tseng found them and lifted the big man's body from on top of his partner.

/End flashback/

_Still talkin' to myself and nobody's home  
(Alone)_

So nobody ever told us baby  
How it was gonna be  
So what'll happen to us baby  
Guess we'll have to wait and see

Reno began pounding his head into the wall, sobs catching against the raw throat. ''I want to hate you for leaving me alone, but I just can't. . .why in Hell do I have to love you so much.?''

_When I find out all the reasons  
Maybe I'll find another way  
Find another day  
With all the changing seasons of my life  
Maybe I'll get it right next time_

He picked up one of the shattered frames, running his fingers over the photograph, then clutched it to his slender chest as he began rocking again, letting out a shattered howl as he bent over it, his tears soaking the colored paper.

_An now that you've been broken down  
Got your head out of the clouds  
You're back down on the ground  
And you don't talk so loud  
An you don't walk so proud  
Any more, and what for_

"Got no more pride now. . .no nothin'. ..I'm just an empty shell now without you. . .I know you'd want me to live but I just don't know how. Gods, you tell me how you'd live if you were in my shoes, Big Guy."

_Well I jumped into the river too many times  
to make it home  
I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone  
If it doesn't show give it time  
To read between the lines  
'Cause I see the storm getting closer  
And the waves they get so high  
Seems everything We've ever known's here  
Why must it drift away and die_

Dead. .. everything was dead. Heart, soul, spirit. ..everything that made the vivacious redhead what he was had died with his partner. Life had begun and ended with the big bald man, no matter how one sliced it.

_I'll never find anyone to replace you  
Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time  
Oh this time  
Without you_

I knew the storm was getting closer  
And all my friends said I was high  
But everything we've ever known's here  
I never wanted it to die 

"I can't do this" He picked up the pistol that had been with Rude's belongings and stuckl it inside his mouth. As the clock began chime midnight the loud report sounded, blood spattering the silvered face and it stopped right there..12 am

Morning would come to find the pale body of a tiny-waisted redhead leaning against a wall and a blood-spattered clock that had stopped at the time of his death.


End file.
